Inverarity (inverarity) wrote,

Because I promised not to do politics on my LJ, I shall offend Slytherins instead

Inspired by Fandom Wank, which I occasionally peruse when in need of entertainment.

Slytherfen, how you amuse me.

Okay, so Rowling totally screwed Slytherin House. Yes, she did. She wrote Slytherin as the House of Evil, paid lip service to “house unity” and never delivered, told us in interviews that not all Slytherins were bad but never showed us a single Slytherin who was not, at best, a selfish, manipulative bastard, and in the Epilogue, they're still the bad guys.

Yes, yes, yes. I feel for you, Slytherfen, I really do. That's part of the reason that I went out of my way to portray some admirable (yet still cunning and manipulative) Slytherins in Hogwarts Houses Divided.

But I hereby assert that the following facts are as irrefutable as the Earth orbiting the sun:

1. Snape was a nasty piece of work and the only reason you like him is Alan Rickman.

2. Ditto Draco and Tom Felton.

3. Slytherins in the books were, 99% of the time, nasty and evil. You can criticize Rowling for writing them that way, but they were.

4. You are not Slytherin material. No, really, you're not. I know you like to think of yourself as a Slytherin, but if you were a wizard and went to Hogwarts and were Sorted into Slytherin House, you'd be eaten alive because you are not cunning, ambitious, and manipulative enough, and real Slytherins would make you cry. A lot. Seven years trapped with the Mean Girls from high school, and they all have magic wands. All of you Slytherfen who think otherwise, sorry, you're wrong. You'd probably wind up in Hufflepuff, and deep down, you know it.

Larry and Adela
They'd probably be Slytherins

(Okay, seriously, if you're a Slytherin fan, that's cool. :) I'm only taking the piss out of the batshit crazy Slytherfen who write long essays about how Snape was a hero and Gryffindors were the real villains and anyway, pureblood prejudice is totally justified.

And the Slytherins on MNFF, who would definitely be Hufflepuffs. :P)

Current AQATDR word count: 78140. It's been slow going on the current chapter, but I am finally moving forward again, though I am pretty sure large parts of this one will have to be ripped apart and moved around.
Tags: aqatdr, mockety-mock-mock, slytherfen

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